The statement happy wife – happy life has been tossed around for decades, perhaps centuries or even millennia. I think it’s time for a change. Don’t forget that the earth was once flat until Copernicus and Galileo challenged the theory to expose the truth. OK maybe the comparison falls a little short but you get the picture.
If happy wife – happy life is the formula for a successful marriage, then why are so many heading to divorce court? I propose a new and improved version: Happy Spouse Happy House. I hope I don’t offend any of the wives and moms out there but when did marriage become about the happiness of the wife? When my wife and I got married, we said “I do” to each other. So why should it be solely about her happiness? Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and would do anything for her. She’s an incredible mother, great friend, and an all around amazing person and I love it when she’s happy. I believe that I possess the same great qualities so why isn’t it something like let’s be glad for the happy dad!
The truth is that both spouses possess the ability to be happy. Happiness comes from within and is tied to your perspective. You get to choose whether you want to be happy or miserable, regardless of the circumstances facing you. When you experience your own happiness and joy it becomes infectious and your spouse can’t help but start to feel the same way. You can work diligently to make your spouse happy but if they’re not happy with themselves, you’re in for a rough ride amigo. In fact, you may compromise who you are and feel overwhelmed with frustration which for some leads to bad choices which further stresses the marriage and you know what happens next. UGH!
Some things to consider:
- Remain authentic and be yourself. Don’t change your principles for anyone except yourself. If you think you need to make some changes because you believe that these changes will improve your situation, then by all means. This is called growth.
- You’re not going to change each other no matter how hard each of you tries. You got the entire package when you said “I do”, which means both the smooth surfaces and rough edges. You have to be OK with both.
- Never start conversation with the word YOU. Statements like YOU have been distant and in a foul mood lately so what the hell is YOUR problem? are likely to lead to your spouses temporary deafness. Perhaps you start with something like, Honey I need your help. I’m struggling to connect with you and I was hoping that you might show me how to be a better mate. You haven’t changed, you’re simply becoming a more compassionate version of yourself. Miraculously the ears are opened and perhaps you pave a new road that connects you 2 stronger than ever. It’s called communication.
The statement happy wife-happy life may be just a funny axiom but at it’s core it leads to resentment, frustration and lack of fulfillment for both. Find your happiness within and develop it. Your spouse is likely to follow you.
Together you can create a Happy Spouse Happy House!
Dr. Peter Percuoco is a Board Certified Chiropractic Neurologist and a Keynote Speaker. With 30 years of experience, Dr. Percuoco has stepped out of the clinic and onto the stage to share his message of hope and potential inspiring people to be the best that they can be.